(p. 120) DID A TRAGEDY EVER STRIKE YOUR FAMILY? HOW WERE YOU AFFECTED?

The tragedy started with my father's sudden death. My initial reaction was to be happy for him because he was in heaven. I had complete faith in that. So I had no right to wish him back. Initially, probably superficially, I dealt with it calmly. At that young age, I knew I had a heavenly Father.
At age 28, having been angry at God for many years for not giving me any of the Christian husbands of my choice, I was in therapy, talking to a chair representing my Daddy, telling him I was angry at him for leaving me. I felt abandoned by both my earthly and my heavenly father.
And to some extent my mother, who put her career first.
I grew up envious of my brother, who was good looking, athletic, and able to attract positive attention, yet Mom considered that he needed whatever energy she had left over more than I did. About two years after Daddy died, when Butch was in second grade, he contracted encephalitis, an inflammation of the membrane covering the brain. Understandably, Mom freaked out. Butch was out of school for a few months, but recovered and was said to having no lasting effects. Mom never really relaxed, and he never really got over being dependent on her.
I want to apologize to you for making similar mistakes. Andy was easy, and I had the luxury of almost three years to devote to him before I had to go back to work. You had colic, Dad was deep in debt, we had renters in the house, and I had to go back to work right away when you were a baby. I was older but hardly wiser, stressed out and screaming while you were growing up. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. May God bless us, heal us, and keep us close.

(p. 121) SHARE A FAVORITE POEM OR PASSAGE OF WRITING THAT HAS BEEN ESPECIALLY MEANINGFUL IN YOUR LIFE.

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore." Psalm 121

The italicized words are from the original King James version, which is what I memorized as a child. The rest of from the New King James version.
This was one of Grand Bear's favorite psalms. She taught me to love it early, as part of loving the Smoky Mountains. In the summer of 1962, when we were moving to Dallas, I spent a month in Bryson City. Ronnie Nelson and his parents had a summer place in Mountain Rest, SC. They came up to visit me for a day. Grandmother let them have a motel room free of charge. I cut roses from Aunt Nell's garden, and opened the Bible to Psalm 121. All God's children who love the mountains love this psalm.

(p. 125) NAME A BOOK OR AUTHOR THAT HELPED YOU DEVELOP A PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE. SHARE SOME OF THOSE INSIGHTS.

I was in my early 20’s when my hippie friend Cal Rice introduced me to Ayn Rand. He was certainly no conservative but thought her worth reading. She wrote about personal integrity. This is not a perfect quote, but her character John Galt stated, “I refuse to live for the sake of any other person nor ask any other person to live for mine.” I do value love and cooperation. I believe in limited government by the people and for the people. I believe in a unique personal relationship with God for each person.

The Listener, by Taylor Caldwell, also mentioned elsewhere. I read it in 1963. When I went to nursing school in 1976, the first term we learned the importance of therapeutic listening. It means really being there for the person who is talking, communicating that he or she is important, that the listener can put self aside for awhile. It's a very hard thing to do for any length of time. As a nurse, I liked listening to patients, letting them verbalize and have some control over their situation in the hospital. To keep the institution running efficiently, nurses were supposed to prioritize and set the agenda. But to the extent that a patient can feel that she is the only one that matters for right now, the patient does her best physically too.
Now I am visiting Mrs. Shelling, who is 97 years old in assisted living. Her mind and her conversation are much more intelligent than mine. She does repeat herself some - because she is old, because she talks to plenty of other people, and because some of the stuff she needs to verbalize over and over until she totally deals with it. I listen for one to two hours at a time, very seldom being allowed to complete a sentence. Sometimes I get bored. But always I feel appreciated. About a month ago, she was taken out of the hospice program, because after being on it for a year, she looked nowhere near dying. Since I see her as a hospice volunteer, they asked me to stop seeing her and pick up a new patient. Nope, I said, she is sad she's losing hospice, she's not losing her listener.

A Prayer for Owen Meany, by John Updike, right? You gave me this to read a year or so before I got sick. The concept of knowing when one is going to die is intriguing, to say the least. Owen Meany knew when, but not how. He wanted his best friend with him; that was what he could control. When I was diagnosed, I decided that it was freeing to know what I was going to die from. Thank God I didn't die right away, but I accepted that I would die younger than usual. I want as much quality time as possible with my family while I'm here, in a positive, natural way. Your Dad has difficulty knowing that I am not afraid to die. Talk to him sometime.
We just watched a recent movie, The Stepmom, on TV. Now I dislike most Julia Roberts characters, including this one. Perhaps I am envious of your Dad's future wife. I did find myself wishing I could be more like Susan Sarandon's character, who was such a wonderful mom. Thanks for giving me this opportunity to share stuff with you that I missed when you were growing up.

More authors I like in 2005 - Janette Oke and Ellie Lofaro.

(p. 126) DID YOU HAVE A COLLECTION WHEN YOU WERE GROWING UP? WHAT INITIALLY SPARKED YOUR INTEREST IN IT?

Nancy Drew books starting in 5th grade. When silver was taken out of quarters and dimes in 1964. I started saving all I could get and still have them.

In college, one of my friends was engaged. She chose Old Maryland Engraved as her silver pattern. I bought her a spoon, but for some reason, never had a chance to give it to her. I decided I liked it much more than any other silver pattern, and still collect it.

(p. 127) DESCRIBE A PERFECT SUMMER DAY.

This will be a no-brainer question, no profound insights, no perfectly crafted description, just whatever comes to mind.

Warm, low humidity, a breeze, flowers blooming, no mosquitoes. It could be in the back yard, or in the Smokies, or at the beach. Let's say we're at the beach. Jumping the waves, or floating on a raft. No sunburn. Going out for seafood for dinner. With a rum drink. Let's go a few years into the future. You and your husband and Andy and Yumiko and their kids are with me and everyone in the family who wants to join us, at some exotic beach. Maybe around Vancouver, where the summer days are longer than here...

(p. 128) WHAT KIND OF OUTDOOR WORK DO YOU LIKE? HATE? WHY?

I like to grow flowers. Mom was a gardener. In Dallas, she and Eeper would get home from work, fix a drink, and “survey the ranch.” I started gardening as soon as we bought the orange house in 1970 (4706 Richmarr Place, Alexandria). I was especially into Azaleas. They were another thing I collected. The front yard of the Oxon Hill house was an awesome hill of Azaleas.

I was the one who cut the grass at all the houses until I hurt my knee in 1998. I never liked edging though, and I hated the practice of trimming shrubs into formal shapes, like gumdrops, I would say. This is my undisciplined nature, not wanting to discipline my plants nor my children.

(p. 129) IF YOU COULD BE A PATRON OF A CHARITY OR ORGANIZATION, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

What's a patron? We all can support organizations that help people in need, and I hope you have some by now.
The Bible teaches us to tithe, to give a tenth of our income to God. Some churches take that to mean give the whole tithe to the church. There is a verse that says "Take your tithe to the storehouse." But I had a Sunday school teacher in college who taught us that it's appropriate to give at least 5% to church and 5% for other charitable purposes. That is what I do now. Certainly I haven't always, but I have been blessed since I have resumed. It's all God's money after all.
Some organizations I give to, in addition to Chantilly Presbyterian Church, are the Amyloidosis Support Network, Western Fairfax Christian Ministries, Salvation Army... and one of my girlfriends who is really poor financially but rich spiritually.

(p. 130) WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO RIDE A BIKE, OR TO WATER SKI, SNOW SKI, ROLLER SKATE OR SAIL? SHARE YOUR MEMORIES OF THE EXPERIENCE.

I learned to ride a bike as soon as we got to Florida. I got a bike for Christmas when I was nine, and named it “Liberty.” It had training wheels at first, but I didn’t need them long. I rode that bike all over Miami Springs, Medley, Hialeah... It was safe then. Traffic wasn’t dangerous, nor was a bike likely to be stolen. Since it was flat where we lived, my bike had only one gear and foot brakes.

One summer while we lived in Florida, I visited Sara in Tampa and tried to water ski. Never could get up. I think one other time I was given a chance, but never got it.

In college, people wee going to Gatlinburg to learn to snow ski and coming back with broken legs. It was a cool badge of honor. I never had the lightest desire to snow ski, but always wished I could water ski. I did roller skate, but never sailed.

(p. 131) WHAT SUMMER GAMES AND ACTIVITIES DID YOUR FAMILY ENJOY?

Hmm...in Florida we went to the beach most every weekend, most of the year round. I liked to swim and walk and bike. We didn't do team sports together, like softball. I was scared of bats and balls. There was a badminton net set up in our front yard now and then.

Mom liked to watch Cowboys football and Duke basketball. We bonded around that. After I became a Redskins fan, when Vince Lombardi became coach, there would be a phone call made after the Cowboys and Redskins played. The winner called the loser, paying for the long distance call and the right to brag. On Sundays when they didn't play against each other, it was usually still a winner who made the call.
I have told you about the April we went to Dallas when Duke was in the Final Four, and I became forever a fanatic.

(p. 132) DID YOU EVER MILK A COW OR SPEND TIME ON A FARM OR IN THE COUNTRY?

Actually, Grandmother Leatherwood was milking her two cows every morning when I first started visiting her in the summer. Also gathering eggs from the chickens, churning butter, picking corn and green beans, then shucking and stringing... We did drink our own cows' milk, unpasteurized, cream risen to the top of our own glass bottles. And of course I've told you about what had to happen before we could fry the chicken...

(p. 133) DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST TRIP ALONE.

Not sure. Probably to Bryson City at age 10 - flew to Atlanta, took a bus to black Mountain to visit Aunt Carrie and Uncle Ben, then bus to Bryson City where Uncle Robert met me. But I couldn’t have gone alone to Atlanta until Aunt Mary Nell lived there - when I was 14 or 16.

(p, 134) WHAT PLACES WOULD YOU STILL LIKE TO VISIT?

London to see Phantom of the Opera, then drive through the lake country. More of Europe if possible.
Train trip across Canada, with more time spent in the Canadian Rockies. Seattle and Pacific Northwest.
Try a cruise again, even though I got seasick going to Japan and going around the fjords of Norway. There are ways to prepare for nausea, as I have learned from my chemo days.

(p. 135) DESCRIBE A FRIGHTENING OR DIFFICULT EXPERIENCE FORM CHILDHOOD. HOW DID YOU RESPOND TO IT?

Falling off my bike, breaking my tooth, and enduring that evil dentist.

(p. 136) TELL ME ABOUT YOUR MOST UNFORGETTABLE SUMMER EXPERIENCE AS A CHILD

This has to be the summer of 1958, when I was twelve, when Doug Stearns thought he wanted to kiss me, but wimped out.

(p. 137) SHARE SOME OF YOUR IDEAS ABOUT SUCCESSFUL ENTERTAINING

It's more fun when you're young, blissfully without affluence, feel no need to impress, and you enjoy cooking. As you get more sophisticated, you will do well to plan ahead, so you can enjoy your guests. I have a couple of cookbooks that address that concept, The Elegant but Easy Cookbook (ragged paperback from the 1970s), and something with a title like Entertainment Survival Guide from the 90s.
Sharon Wray and Sandi McCreesh are good role models in that department.